My kids were accepted for ‘face to face’ learning in the classroom. That’s a good thing, right?

I think so. We did make the decision a few weeks ago to request ‘in person’ instruction when given the option by the school system … the three choices were ‘in person’, ‘temporary remote’ or ‘virtual academy.’

At the time, I trusted the school system would make the right (and best) decisions for the safety of their students. They wouldn’t bring children into the classrooms if the Covid numbers here were worsening, would they? Of course not. In fact, Covid statistics have been improving over the past few weeks.

But since the school was only accepting 25% of students for in-person, I was confident mine would be in the 75% continuing to e-learn at home. And that made any choice even more comfortable.

But yesterday when I saw their ‘acceptance email’ from the school principal, I started crying like I did on their very first day of Kindergarten four years ago. Just like that day, where I was no longer in control and was placing them in someone else’s care for a few hours, the same will happen again very soon.

I have to trust the school system with the health and safety of my third graders. I also have faith that God will keep them safe. He wouldn’t have another one of my children succumb to a respiratory virus. Or at least I hope he wouldn’t. That would seem unfair.

Sending them to school is the right decision for us. They need it. They need the socialization. They need the structure. They need the proper learning environment. They need their independence. They need a better teacher who has the proper training and more patience. And someone who understands how to explain spelling rules of English (or anything else) other than just saying, “I don’t know, that’s just how it is.”

But momma needs it too.

I need the normalcy. I need the break. I want time back where I can focus on my books and foundation without feeling guilt as soon as they see I’m in front of my screen. Or feeling so scattered that I can barely think straight or work through my daily to-do list. Or feeling pressure to get out of our house and explore our new city.

Plus did I mention my husband is technically deployed? He’s in another state at Army War College, which is a significant honor. We’re very proud. But he’ll be gone through next June. And we’ve just moved and still in the process of working through house projects and getting settled. It’s been challenging.

As every mom, I just want the best for my babies. I’m just not sure the best is solely what I can provide anymore. They are growing up, and mommy can’t meet all of their needs effectively. Each day makes them a little more independent and that’s okay.

We’ve all done our best, but like most families struggling through this time, we need to get back to feeling a small sense of normalcy. I don’t want to live in fear but choose to live in trust and faith.

We’ll continue to do our part. We’ll wear the masks. We’ll wash our hands. We’ll socially distance where we can. We will be careful, believe me. And we’ll count the days until our lives can be totally normal again.

But until that day, I wish us all the best, all the patience, all the luck, all the things.

-Elizabeth