Finding Projects That Heal.
When my son Benjamin died in 2016, I needed a hobby. I needed something to work on, something to do – even though I still had two of my almost-4-year-old triplets. I needed something (anything) to help combat this new feeling of despair, if just for a little while. I started rehabbing old furniture.
4-YO Ava helping to sand drawers in 2016.
I don’t even remember where or when I decided to explore this side of myself. But I have always been a creative-minded person who doesn’t shy away from a challenge or project. It started with an old buffet that fit into the back of our Honda minivan. We brought it home and I then watched a few how-to videos, read a few blogs, joined a few Facebook groups …. then sat in my garage, sanding, staining, painting. Every single night.
I started looking for old furniture nonstop. It became an obsession. I drove all over to pick it up. I was even known to stop and inspect discarded furniture on the side of the road, thrown out as someone else’s trash. Sometimes these were the best finds, simply because they were FREE. And maybe just maybe, it would be worth something and I could bring it back to life. The minivan that once was solely used for my three babies, had now become a frequent furniture hauler.
It was summer 2016. And Ava and Colin were getting to the age where midday napping was rough. They would be tired but would fight any and all naps. However, they would consistently fall asleep in the car. Attempting to outsmart them, my furniture pickups were then always planned for midday, ensuring they got in that day’s nap.
I turned this new hobby into a (very small) business. I started a facebook page called Butterfly Vintage Designs, sold some pieces, took on a few commissions where someone hires you for a specific piece because they like your work. It helped me to heal .. if just a bit. It helped to pass the long, intolerable nights, when my focus in the past had to be my Benjamin, the one with medical needs and unstable sleeps. And there was even a bit of satisfaction in completing a furniture piece and selling it, someone else wanting my creation.
I suddenly owned saws and sanders and was very comfortable with a drill in my hand. My garage had become my workshop, along with our dining room and kitchen. We were regularly stepping around dressers, doors and drawers. I would have fun choosing the best knobs or pulls. Paint color. Stain color. It was tedious yet satisfying to see what I could create with a bit of imagination, time and effort.
Summer turned to fall then winter and it was much colder in the garage. I still sat out there next to my portable space heater sanding away and dreaming up new ways to refurbish, new painting techniques or styles. My favorite style, where I always landed, was a combination of stain and paint. Many times, I would sand and stain the surface and paint the body. Or stain the drawers/doors and paint the rest for contrast. It’s where I liked to stay or it became my signature ‘look’ one might say.
My bargain finds and old unfinished pieces had taken over my garage and even expanded into a nearby storage unit. I was acquiring them much faster than I could flip them. Sales were sometimes slow which could be a bit discouraging. I slowed down. Stopped buying furniture. And even after a long while, purged the unfinished pieces that I hadn’t spent any time with yet. I wanted to be able to park in my garage again.
Eventually, instead of furniture, my new outlet had become the Ben’s Adventures children’s books. Again, I created something that helped to process my grief and give meaning to it. It became even more healing, honoring my son and remembering him in this way. I’m still finding myself, over four years later. But I credit the furniture with helping get me through the earliest, roughest, most raw time of grief. I have slowed in those projects lately, but who knows? I’m sure I’ll find a new piece to inspire me.
If you’ve read my recent blog posts, you know that we just moved from Chicago suburbs to Mount Pleasant, SC (Charleston area). During our clean out and purge of our last home, I got rid of all old furniture I had been hanging onto. Except for this one piece. It was an old Kent Coffey dresser. I promised my son Colin I would do a dresser for him but just didn’t have it in me yet. Well, somehow amidst all the chaos of moving and unpacking, I found a couple of days to ‘bust out’ this rehabbed dresser for his new bedroom once we got here. Fortunately it was in pretty good shape. And he was VERY excited about it. I did cut a couple of corners and stumble a bit in the process. But he was satisfied with the end result. And so was I. Maybe I will pick it up again, once we’re a bit more settled in our new life and routine.
Colin pleased with his NEW dresser - July 2020.
